Building confidence can often feel overwhelming, like there’s some elusive quality we are to possess but can’t quite reach. In reality, confidence is less about performing or proving, and more about nurturing an inner sense of safety, self-acceptance, and trust. The big question is, why is confidence so important? Well to put it simply, confidence is closely linked to emotional wellbeing. Where confidence grows, self-esteem and self-worth are often not far behind. If you're currently struggling with low confidence, it might help to start small, with gentle, intentional steps toward connecting with yourself. Here are three practices that may support you on that journey.

Cultivate Self-Awareness Through Compassionate Language

One of the foundational aspects of building confidence involves becoming aware of how we speak to ourselves. Often, our internal dialogue can become harsh, echoing messages we’ve internalised from past experiences, criticism, or societal expectations. In therapy, we call this part of ourselves the inner critic. It’s a voice many of us carry, often unconsciously, that can damage our self-image and corrode our confidence over time.

Take a moment to observe the words you use when speaking to or about yourself. Are they harsh, critical, or dismissive? Or are they patient, supportive, and affirming? Language has immense power; it can shape the way we see ourselves and the world around us.

Imagine trying on clothes and feeling uncomfortable. That inner critic might say things like,

• “My belly looks ugly in this dress.”

• “I can’t wear these trousers; you can see my cellulite and that looks awful.”

When repeated over time, these phrases aren’t just words, they become deeply held beliefs. From a therapeutic standpoint, we work to challenge and reframe these beliefs with more compassionate alternatives. Consider how these same thoughts might be rephrased through a lens of self-acceptance:

• “I love my curves and how this dress hugs my body.”

• “You can see my cellulite when I wear these trousers, and that’s okay. My body is still worthy and beautiful.”

These reframes might not feel natural at first, and that’s okay. The goal isn't to fake positivity, but to gently introduce kindness into your internal dialogue. With time, these compassionate messages can begin to shift your self-perception, supporting a more confident, integrated sense of self.

2. Strengthen the Relationship with Yourself

Often, a lack of confidence stems from a disconnect in the relationship we have with ourselves. Just as we nurture healthy relationships with others through empathy, encouragement, and support, we must learn to offer that same care inwardly. You are the greatest friend you will have in this life, that is why a healthy relationship with self is so important. Imagine now that you are witnessing your loved one expressing negative thoughts about themselves and the way they look. How would you feel about witnessing someone you care about see themselves in such low regard? How would you respond in that situation? When you are experiencing of low self-esteem and negative views of self, it’s extremely helpful to think of how you would respond to a close friend in need, or how your friend would respond to you. This is where my Best Friend Method comes into play.

 The Best Friend Method is a reflection exercise that involves two simple questions:

1. What would my best friend say to me right now?

2. What would I say to my best friend in this situation?

Let’s revisit the earlier scenario: you’re frustrated trying on clothes, telling yourself “my belly looks ugly in this dress”. Take a breath, pause, and ask, what would my best friend say? Likely something along the lines of: “you look so beautiful in that dress” or “no one is going to notice or care about your cellulite; you are gorgeous with or without it”. Once you have determined the response say it aloud, use your own name and allow yourself to feel comforted, loved and accepted as you would from hearing kind words from a person close to you. This exercise allows us to access a part of ourselves that is more nurturing, kind and compassionate. When practiced regularly, this approach can help restructure internal patterns of self-criticism and create space for self-validation.

The more we practice speaking to ourselves with kindness and acceptance, especially in moments of struggle, the more we reinforce a secure, supportive internal relationship. And from that place, confidence can emerge more naturally.

3. Engage in Intentional Self-Care

Confidence doesn’t just come from how we think, it also arises from how we care for ourselves. Self-care is essential, and an important part of confidence building. It reinforces the message that you matter, that your needs are valid, and that you’re worthy of time and attention. Many people go through life prioritising the needs of others and overlooking their own. This pattern can leave us feeling depleted and disconnected from ourselves. Reconnecting with joy, pleasure, rest, and creative expression can restore our emotional energy. Meaning that when we find ourselves feeling low, and lacking in confidence, a bit of self-care can be a quick solution, now imagine the impact it can have when done on a routinely basis. When it comes to self-care, it’s about what brings you a sense of ease or delight. These moments don’t have to be grand gestures, what matters most is your intention. When practiced regularly, self-care supports emotional regulation and nurtures an overall sense of well-being. Over time, this builds greater self-trust and, with it, deeper confidence.

To help you get started, try creating yourself a self-care challenge. Make a gentle checklist of simple, nourishing activities that help you feel grounded, supported, and cared for. Don’t think of it as a rigid to-do list, instead, let it serve as a kind reminder of what brings you balance. See how many days in a row you can check off at least one small act of self-care.

Here’s an example of a checklist for a self-care challenge, everyone’s checklist will be different:

• Take soothing bath with music.

• Go for a walk in nature.

• Cook your favourite meal.

• Watch one of your favourite films.

• Do some singing.

• Read a book.

• Drink a cup of tea.

• Call a loved one.

• Do some drawing. 

Confidence grows in the quiet moments when we choose to show up for ourselves with honesty, care, and patience. We are always in relationship with ourselves, and that relationship can be deepened, healed, and nurtured. You don’t need to “fix” yourself to be worthy of confidence. You simply need to remember who you are beneath the doubt, and gently make your way back to that place, one compassionate step at a time.